Perfectionism is not the same as striving to be our very best. It is rooted in the belief that personifying flawless behavior can shield us from the pain of blame and judgment. We carry this shield around thinking it helps us get ahead in life but this very shield rivets us to the ground.
In today’s blog, we’ll dive deep into how a perfectionist achieves better results by embracing their flaws and building on them instead of following their tendencies for perfection on the first go. It’s only through #BecomingFlawsome, i.e., awesome with all your flaws, instead of Flawless do we finally recognize the value in ourselves and learn what it is to love ourselves and our lives.
What is a Perfectionist?
When we say perfectionist, we imagine someone who’s got every detail right down to a T, but this is rarely the case. A perfectionist imposes such unrealistic goals and standards on themselves that it becomes difficult to achieve anything. They chronically procrastinate because they can’t understand how to achieve what they’ve set out to do, they fall into the pits of anxiety and self-doubt constantly because of it, and in the end, are left skeptical of their own self-worth and capabilities.
Kristina Mand-Lakhiani discusses this ironic juxtaposition of perfectionism and low self-esteem in her book “Becoming Flawsome”. She believes that although all of us dream of living by perfection, it is in the name of perfection that we demonize our flaws, make ourselves ‘less-than,’ and render ourselves vulnerable to the shame of not being good enough.
Why is Today’s Society Obsessed with Perfection?
As cliché as it sounds, no one is perfect. The problem we encounter when trying to accept this in today’s day and age is that we are constantly bombarded by images and stories of perfection on social media. But remember, when you’re looking at Picasso’s critically acclaimed “Les Demoiselles d’Avignon” you are seeing his best, and not the mistakes and errors and constant tries it took him to get there.
Ninety percent of the “flawlessness” you may see on Instagram is manufactured perfection. None of it is real. So always remember to peel back the curtain and take every “perfect post” with a salt of grain. No one shows the breakdowns, the tough nights, and the lonely spirals on their feed. It isn’t aesthetically pleasing. The people you follow are all human and so are you.
How to Break Free from Perfectionism?
Within the pages of Kristina’s book, “Becoming Flawesome,” we delve into her personal journey, where she recounts her struggles with perfectionism and the transformative process that enabled her to rediscover her truest and most genuine self.
The first thing a perfectionist must do in order to battle the constant obstacles they feel are littered on the path of perfectionism is to accept that they are not perfect. And they never will be. And that is okay. Our “flaws” are an integral part of who we are. What you perceive as a flaw may not even be one; semantics play a huge role in what is and isn’t perfect. You will not get anywhere in life if you keep raising the mountains in front of you instead of taking the steps you need to take to overcome them.
As a perfectionist trying to get over these tendencies within you, it is important to:
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Adjust your standards: Instead of trying to reach your goal within the first try, break it down into smaller steps. Remember, life is a marathon, not a race.
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Get comfortable with imperfection: Accepting that not everything you do will be perfect helps you identify where your errors may hide. Reassessing your strengths and weaknesses and building on them is the only way you can strive to be your best self.
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Track your progress: Take an objective view of your choices and actions. Look at how not striving for perfectionism benefitted you.
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Redirect your motivation: As we have already mentioned, striving for perfection and striving for your best are two very different things. Instead of aiming to be the best, aim to be your best.
Conclusion
In the words of Mel Robbins, “Perfectionism is the enemy of action.” So make that first draft, make that first sketch, and build on it instead of never starting anything because you’re scared it won’t be flawless. Adjust your standards, give yourself room to breathe, and always remember to pat yourself on the back too. The biggest challenge is starting with room for error, but once you do, it gets a lot easier to build things forward and become your best self.
